Pop a Cap in My Tooth

March 17, 2016 at 2:41 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , )

I hate the dentist. I’m pretty sure I’ve announced that here before but I really hate the dentist. Actually I don’t mind my dentist so much as my dental hygienist, who I’m fairly certain is a sadist with a penchant for torture. I had a routine cleaning this week and the entire time (read: one hour) I was in a chair getting my teeth cleaned and abused, all I could think about was how much I hate that entire process. And I don’t even have bad teeth! I brush and floss regularly and haven’t had a cavity in years. The only way I was able to console myself during that entire miserable time spent in a chair was by reciting a mantra that it would be another six months before I had to go back. Six more months, six more months…I also thought of the horrors other people have had to live through and called myself a baby for not being able to handle two hours of pain once a year. I almost got to the point of biting off the hygienist’s fingers when it was finally over and I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing it would be quite a while before I went back.


Oh my god why did I google this?!

Until the dentist came in. She’s on my shit list now too. I had complained of some mild sensitivity in one spot and it’s been bothering me for about a month now. I figured it had been so long since I had a cavity that I was about due for another but no. When my dentist came by and inspected me, she discovered one of my freaking molars has a huge crack in it. She verified it by poking and prodding and blowing cold air into it and that was just fantastic. She even took a picture and uploaded it to her computer while I watched – yeah, it was pretty obvious and I guess I can’t be too mad at her since it’s not like she made it up. I’m not exactly sure how it happened (at least, that’s what I told her…I think I may have done this by opening a bottle with my mouth a while ago. Oops. Won’t be doing that again) and now I get to go back and sit in that loathsome chair and have a crown put on. I am not thrilled. They’re going to shave down the tooth in question and make a mold for the crown, then give me a fake one until the real one comes in (requiring me to go back yet again for another torturous process). This all sounds horribly awful, if you ask me, but apparently it’s necessary. Either that or get my tooth removed and don’t think I didn’t consider that. And guess what else – crowns aren’t cheap! I’m going for the basic one too, not the fancy gold one that I was offered in semi-jest (though I wonder what her reaction would have been if I had gotten really excited about that). Even the standard one is going to cost me nearly twice what my wedding dress did! I mean, I got that on clearance but still. I’d rather buy a dress than a crown for my tooth. Or any other article of clothing. Or just about anything other than a crown, like a suitcase full of spiders.

Have I mentioned that I hate the dentist?

But I’m going to suck it up and tough it out and bitch and complain the whole time. And never open a bottle with my teeth again. However, I can’t make any promises about biting the fingers that will soon invade my mouth to shave off my damn tooth.

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Public Freaking

March 3, 2016 at 4:07 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , )

I’m doing some really cool things with my office and I’m currently working on a two-year long project that I’m very excited about! Basically, our firm is partnering with a nonprofit to help fund some of their needs and wants through activities that will involve my other coworkers. We’ll be taking days off of work to go volunteer for this organization and it’s a partnership that will make a huge difference, in both the short and long term. I’m the person acting as a liaison between our firm and the nonprofit and tomorrow afternoon I’ll be presenting a PowerPoint (that I created) to over 100 coworkers. Am I nervous? Nah.

I’m terrified.


Oh god.

No, just kidding. I mean yes, I’m very nervous and trying to stop myself just short of the terrified threshold but I’m also pretty excited. I’m honored to have been asked to work alongside this nonprofit and I think everything we’re doing is incredible so I’m also proud to be a part of it. But the thought of getting up in front of so many people (many of whom I’ve never even met) is pretty scary. You may think I’d be used to it after all of the stuff I do with kids and the general public at The Field Museum but you’d be wrong. That’s just…different somehow. I kind of slip into teaching mode when I do that and I’d rather not act like a kindergarden teacher to my colleagues, you know? I’ve been practicing my speech in front of the mirror (and who am I kidding – at my desk, on the train, on the elliptical, etc) and I even had a dream about it last night. So while I’m excited and all that jazz – I’ll also be really glad when my presentation is over and I can eat the free lunch we’ll be providing. Because if I eat it before I present, I know I’ll get spinach in my teeth or something. Obviously. And I’m going to need to be showing off my pearly whites because the harder I smile, the less likely it is that I’ll throw up and pass out!

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Night at the Museum!

March 30, 2015 at 11:21 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , )

This is my fifth year working a program at the museum where kids and families come and stay the night but I’ve never completely camped out myself. All that changed on Friday evening when my sleeping bag, eye-mask and I huddled up on the stone floor of an ancient Egyptian mastaba for the evening. We had minimal staff that night and so I was actually in there alone, which I hadn’t counted on when I signed up for the whole thing. The floor I slept on was directly above an actual mummy and I’d be lying if I said I slept easy. In fact, I was a little freaked out and had to remind myself that ghosts aren’t real numerous times throughout the night. Of course, the ghost story I had recently heard about that exact spot of the museum didn’t exactly help things but I emerged unscathed, if slightly tired.

I slept under the sign in the upper right hand corner…and the glass pane people are hovering over looks directly down onto a mummy!

Everyone showed up around 6pm on Friday and we had numerous activities and programs to keep the kids entertained all evening. Lights out officially began at 10:30 and I went with another staff member to turn everything off so those sleeping in the exhibits could get some rest. Or at least, try to. It took us over an hour of wandering through random closets and backspaces to shut off the lights and I got to see spaces in the museum I’ve never seen before. We had one moment of sitcom-level hilarity when we were basically pushing buttons on computer screens and flicking random switches in panels to try to figure out which lights to turn off but we managed in the end, with just enough time to start doing late-night checks of the exhibits. Everyone was “supposed” to go to sleep around 12:30 so there was lots of pleading with kids to put their iPads away and go to bed, as their parents snoozed happily nearby. I finally laid down in my stone chamber around 2:30am but various weird noises and the complete unfamiliarity of my surroundings kept me up for another hour or so. The fact that I was sleeping right above a mummy didn’t help my comfort, I’m sure. We were all up and moving at about 6:30am so there was lots of coffee involved in my morning and I’m very thankful for it! I’m sure the kids were thankful too because us grown-ups may have been a bit more unpleasant had we been sans cups of joe.

I was really surprised at how well all of the kids behaved and it was a smooth evening all around. The children and their parents all seemed to have a blast and I got to know some of the museum staff a little bit better. I also was told a hilariously awful story about Dennis Rodman having a NYE party at the museum one night but that’s a tale for another time, as it’s definitely not appropriate for children!

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Hold On To Your Butts!

April 17, 2013 at 8:11 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , )

On Friday, Scott and I met some friends and went tot he IMAX Theater on Navy Pier to see the most awesome movie of all time in 3D – Jurassic Park.  This has been a favorite movie of mine for many years and this was the absolute biggest, best viewing of it I’ve ever had.  I’m not sure what I love most about the film: the fact that the dinosaurs still scare the crap out of me 20 years after its initial release, the studious/sexy look of Ian Malcolm, the fact that the female lead sticks her hand in dino poop and reminds me of the time I sifted through elephant poop in Africa or the just plain bad-assness of the entire concept – whatever the reason, I love the movie.  And seeing it in 3D was COMPLETELY worth the price of the ticket.

Can you handle it?

I thought it was kind of amusing that 90% of people in the theater were within about 2 years of my own age.  This just shows you how important this movie was and is to our generation.  And even though we’d all seen the film who knows how many times, there were still jumps and screams throughout the entire thing.  The 3D-ness obviously helped as there were a few shots where you really did feel that the scary dinosaur was jumping out of the screen to attack you.  Even though I knew what was coming, I was able to completely lose myself in the moment too.  When it was over I actually considered going to buy another ticket so I could just stay put and watch it again, but as I was the only one in our group with such thoughts I decided it might be okay to just go on home instead.

If you like this movie at all then I highly recommend checking it out while you still can.  It won’t be available in IMAX for long so hurry up and get your tickets now!  And don’t forget – hold on to your butts!

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Dirty Jobs

December 5, 2012 at 3:31 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , )


I encountered the above sight as I walked to the restroom earlier today.  I’m not really sure what this guy’s job is but it appeared to me that he was painting/tarring/shellacking part of the roof of The Tower Formerly Known as Sears.  As I’ve mentioned, I’m on the 51st floor so this guy’s task was nothing to laugh at.  I was really glad to see that he was tethered to the building because I probably would’ve wet my pants if he wasn’t.  I had a hard time even looking at him and I can only imagine that his balls of steel and  apparent lack of fear of heights helped him to finish his job, whatever exactly it was.  A strong gust of wind, such as what this city is known for, could have easily knocked him off his little perch and then what would he do?  Such is the type of thought that ran through my head as I stood, creepily staring at him and giving thanks for the fact that I could turn around and sit behind my desk.  I might climb to his height for the sheer thrill of it but I would rather not have to do so all day long in order to get a paycheck.  Give me my cubicle, any day.

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Things That Go Bump in the Night

October 15, 2012 at 9:03 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , )

I went to a haunted house this weekend, the first one I’ve been to in years.  Scott’s brother works at Dream Reapers in Melrose Park every year and was able to get us, Scott’s sister and her boyfriend and their Mom in on Saturday night.  This place is known as one of the best haunted houses in the state and even Yelp agrees.  I’ll admit to being nervous from the get-go as I’m someone who jumps when my cat sneezes too loudly so the creepers and ghouls who followed me around and got all up in my personal bubble definitely freaked me out.  I was glad that we didn’t have to wait in line (ah, the perks of knowing people) and we started off in a room full of strobe lights and mirrors that made me extremely thankful that I’m not an epileptic.


Scott went first and I clutched his hand the entire time, while his mom grabbed on to the sides of my sweater and his sister and her bf made up the tail end of our terrified conga line.  After the mirrors, we passed through a section full of huge billowing black cloth that completely obstructed our view and sort of made me feel like I was emerging from a birth canal.  It was a claustrophobic person’s nightmare because even though I was holding Scott’s hand, I could not see him at all.  Talk about creepy.  Then we walked through one of those rooms with a bridge and spinning, psychedelic walls.  It was very effective and we had to cover Scott’s mom’s face in order to get her through.  We all felt sort of like we were tripping when we got out of there and I feel really bad for the scary dude who had to wait on the bridge as he tormented passersby.

The tour continued with the obligatory rooms full of dismembered body parts and people wielding chainsaws, not to mention jungle type growth where camouflaged bad guys couldn’t wait to jump out and make us scream. There were demented clowns, which are never a favorite of mine, and a few hallways with walls made of skulls and moving eyes, not to mention tons of blood and gore.  All throughout our walk people were jumping out, getting close and generally being freaky, which of course is the point.  We all jumped more than a few times and I’d be lying if I said high-pitched screams never left my lips.  One of the last rooms we passed through featured Scott’s brother and of course he didn’t abide by the whole “the actors won’t touch you” rule so he really scared Scott.  I laughed, but mostly I was glad I wasn’t up in front.

It was an entertaining night and really got us all into the Halloween spirit.  I think I heard a rumor that this is the last year Dream Reapers will be operating so if you’re in the area and looking for a fright, you should definitely check it out.  Just make sure you empty your bladder before you go in and try not to let the goblins get you!

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Full of Fall

September 24, 2012 at 1:31 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Happy Fall!  This is officially my favorite time of the year and my weekend was spent delving into all that this season has to offer.

An apple a day…

Friday night Scott and I kicked everything off by watching Night of the Living Dead…which was as hilarious as it was spooky.  I know we’ll be watching our fair share of scary movies in the weeks to come so this old school black and white classic was a good way to begin.  On Saturday, we went to an Apple Festival in a nearby neighborhood and enjoyed some cider while watching live music, checking out booths and stopping in local stores.  The festival featured apple pizza (I didn’t try it but it did look pretty good), apple beer, apple cider and of course…apples.  Rain had threatened the entire weekend but the weather was actually perfect – crisp, cool and sunny, which allowed me to bust out a light scarf and some old boots.  I’m not huge into fashion but one of the reasons I love living in a climate with seasons is that it gives me the opportunity to change my wardrobe and accessories from to time.

Which is one of the reasons I headed to Target after the Apple Fest.  I walked to work on Friday morning with a light sweater and flip-flops, which I’m sad to say is no longer appropriate clothing for this time of the year.  I was in the market for a new light coat and of course Target never disappoints, so I’m now not so frozen on my morning commute.  The other reason I wanted to swing by the store was to load up on some Halloween decorations…I realize it might be a bit early and all but Scott and I both are fans of decorating and we needed more spider webs and lights to create the mood we were going for.  After pulling out all of our decorations from last year and utilizing a few extension cords and a box of tacks, our apartment became spookified once again.  We even decorated our back balcony and the dinner guests we had over last night seemed more impressed with our Halloween spirit than weirded out by how early we were decorating, so clearly we associate with the right kinds of people.

Sidenote:  Saturday night was also the long-awaited performance of my celebrity crush on SNL and I just want to put it out there that he parodied the stripper film Magic Mike in the opening sequence…meaning he did a strip show of his own.  Pretty much the best SNL ever.  That is all.


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Spook City

October 31, 2011 at 11:59 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , )

Happy Halloween!  In honor of this creepy holiday, I thought I’d share the closest thing I have to a personal ghost story.  Disclaimer to my mom – I don’t know if I ever told you about this or not but since I’m too old to ground I guess it doesn’t matter.  You’ve been warned.

Okay so I grew up in a small town and as a teenager I would frequently look for things to do that didn’t involve sitting in someone’s garage or slinging ice cream at the good old DQ.  Often, a group of us would just drive around and enjoy as much freedom as we could as 16-year-olds.  We all had our favorite good country roads and along one of them sat a desolate, creepy looking house.  Legend had it that a crazy old recluse of a man used to live there and in the 1950’s he would appear in town on random nights that seemingly coincided with the disappearance of small neighborhood children.  The story was that the man would lure them back to his home for all sorts of awful and unthinkable crimes and he went even crazier and disappeared before he could be caught.  I should probably stop right here and acknowledge that when I say “according to legend” what I really mean is “according to this one kid I knew who may or may not have been full of shit”.  Now that’s out of the way, I’ll continue.  According to legend, if you could get inside the house you could still see blood stains on the walls and little kid shoe’s and toys littering the floor.

Would have been nice if there had been a sign, but no

Of course, some friends and I thought it would be a great idea to try to break in.  Now, the house in question was across the street from the local meat processing plant (hey, I told you…small town).  A group of us gathered one night around midnight and parked our cars in the plant’s parking lot, then sneaked our way across the street.  We had barely gotten on the property when the pain began.  I felt it first – the shock of an electric fence.  I’d never encountered one before and I hope to hell I never do again because it hurt.  As soon as I yelped, everyone else got shocked too and the group of us bumbled around in the dark only to tangle ourselves further in the electricity.  Why was there even electricity running through an area that was supposed to be entirely deserted anyway?  Well, probably to keep kids like us off the premises but it seemed a valid question at the time.  So there were, five or six girls and guys howling with pain and confusion in front of a supposedly haunted house in the middle of a field across from a slaughter house.  That’s when we heard it.

Mooing.  There were obviously cows in distress and as we tried to extract ourselves from the electric mess we’d gotten ourselves into, the stench hit our nostrils.  Burning flesh.  We could hear the hissing coming from the plant and the cries from the animals and the smell was so overpowering that even the carnivorous among us were hiding their noses in their shirts.  After panicking and freaking out for a bit we all managed to get away from the fence and we stared at each other in horror.  No way were we going to try to get back in the house, especially not with the god-awful smell permeating our entire lives.  After a few dry heaves, we got back in our cars and got the hell out of there.

This was all weird enough and was more than we needed to convince ourselves to leave well enough alone.  However, the story isn’t over yet.  I was telling the father of a friend of mine about this the next day and he stopped me, confused, because he knew the foreman at the processing plant and said what I was describing just wasn’t possible.  Because they stop production (fancy word for slaughtering) at 6pm, every single day.  No exceptions.  I thought he was messing with me but a little independent research proved he was correct.  I told my friends about this and after a good bit of time truly freaking out, we decided to stick to daylight joy rides in the country.

True story.  Happy Hauntings!

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