Quarter Life Crisis?

March 1, 2013 at 12:56 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , )

For whatever reason, I feel like I’ve been having a late quarter life crisis this week.  I thought that those were supposed to hit in your early 20’s, about the time you graduated from college and realized you had no idea what to do with the rest of your life, but apparently my crisis is a late bloomer.  I’m not sure what’s going on but I just feel…amiss.  I’m bummed that my job isn’t exactly my dream job and while I keep my eyes and ears open for new opportunities, it’s a harsh reality that I can’t really afford to do what I really want to (i.e. go back to school or maybe work for a non-profit).  My ugly student loan situation ruins lots of the big plans and ideas I have and it’s never really easier to deal with.  Perhaps when I’m 55 and have it all paid off I can go back to school but man, that’s a long way out.

Thank you, thank you very much.

It seems like all my friends are getting married and having babies and while I honestly don’t want to have to deal with either of those things anytime soon, it feels like I should want that.  You know?  Or maybe you don’t.  I’m not sure how to really describe the feelings I’ve been having and I’m sure this post seems scattered and confusing, but I’m hoping it’ll help to let some of this out.  The rational part of me knows that I’ve actually got it pretty good – my bills are paid, I’m able to save, and my financial situation isn’t nearly as dire as I sometimes think it is.  I’ve got great friends, a great family, a great boyfriend, I’m still able to travel etc., but I still feel like I should be doing more.  When I was growing up I envisioned myself having a job where I was able to actually help people on a daily basis and I just don’t feel like I’m making the sort of difference I should be.  I know that some people are finding relief due to my bankruptcy work but it’s not really tangible.  And I also know that I’m helping people out at the food pantry I volunteer at and as a Docent at the Field Museum but…it still doesn’t feel like it’s enough.  Which is crap, because all of those things are satisfying in their own ways!

I’ve got a plan to take some sort of class this year, whether it’s a language course, dance class, or cooking class.  I miss learning on a frequent basis and even if I can’t afford to actually go back to school, I can still try new things.  I’ll be training for new exhibits at the museum all month so I’m really looking forward to those lectures, at least.

But back to the crisis – just what is wrong with me?  I need to put on my big girl panties and suck it up.  Maybe this is all just PMS, or perhaps I am in dire need of a vacation.  It seems like everyone around me is planning one trip or another in the upcoming months and I just filed my taxes, so perhaps planning something for Scott and I is on the horizon as well.  This crisis I’m having this week could also be weather related, as we’re currently in the long stretch of  Chicago winter and it feels like sunlight and warmth will never make appearances ever again.

Well.  I do feel a bit better after venting, and at least it’s Friday – and someone finally cleaned out that stinky fridge in the corner.  Onward and upward!

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