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March 24, 2014 at 7:58 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , )

I am officially no longer a temp!

I accepted the job I’m currently working on a temp to hire basis, which initially made me nervous because I’ve never been anything other than a direct hire before.  I was told I would be a temp for no more than 90 days so when I was offered the chance to be a regular employee a mere three weeks after my start date, I pretty much freaked right on out.  Apparently I am just so amazing and wonderful they couldn’t help but bring me on.  Or they wanted to do so before the end of the first quarter for payroll purposes.  Either way, today marked my very first day as an actual employee – I had the orientation on benefits and health insurance to prove it!

Welcome to the office.

This is a pretty awesome thing.  I will be saving hard earned cash on my commuting fees, I will become eligible for vacation and paid holidays (the first of which is Good Friday – woo!) and I will be saving even more money on health insurance.  I’ve been paying for an out of pocket plan since long before my last company tanked (because they tripled our payments out of nowhere) and it is NOT cheap.  So I am all about being an actual, regular employee.

Besides all of that there are small random perks I’ve never experienced with any job before, ever.  Such as the fact that last Thursday our company let us wear jeans and tshirts to show off our favorite basketball teams in honor of March Madness, then opened up a conference room to play the ball games on a projector.  Oh, and provided us with snacks, beer and wine.  So THAT was awesome.  Then today they ordered some fancy schmancy donuts from a boutique donut place (apparently they exist) downtown to celebrate the fact that I’m joining the team.

Incidentally, if I’m not careful I’m going to gain 100lbs.

Anyway it’s a pretty solid time in my life and I actually think that whole getting laid off thing was a blessing in disguise.  People tried to tell me that when it happened but I was all like “Bitch you crazy” – however now I’m beginning to believe it myself.  Of course it all seems too good to be true and since I still feel like I’m dealing with post traumatic stress from everything I experienced at my last job, I kind of keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and to wake up unemployed and living in a box under a bridge somewhere.  But for now – well, I’m going to enjoy all the booze and free donuts I can!

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New Week, New Outlook

December 9, 2013 at 11:10 am (Uncategorized) (, )

And things are looking up!

I was able to get a new phone for free on Friday because the little water sensor thingies weren’t triggered, despite fully being submerged in a pee-filled toilet.  I’m going to go ahead and chalk that miracle up to my ninja like reflexes that allowed me to grab it so fast that no incriminating damage was done.  So – score one for me and a free new phone!

ALSO, I have not one but TWO interviews this week!  Boy, it sure would be nice to score a new job and never have to stand in line for unemployment.  Fingers, toes and eyes are crossed!


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Dirty Jobs

December 5, 2012 at 3:31 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , )


I encountered the above sight as I walked to the restroom earlier today.  I’m not really sure what this guy’s job is but it appeared to me that he was painting/tarring/shellacking part of the roof of The Tower Formerly Known as Sears.  As I’ve mentioned, I’m on the 51st floor so this guy’s task was nothing to laugh at.  I was really glad to see that he was tethered to the building because I probably would’ve wet my pants if he wasn’t.  I had a hard time even looking at him and I can only imagine that his balls of steel and  apparent lack of fear of heights helped him to finish his job, whatever exactly it was.  A strong gust of wind, such as what this city is known for, could have easily knocked him off his little perch and then what would he do?  Such is the type of thought that ran through my head as I stood, creepily staring at him and giving thanks for the fact that I could turn around and sit behind my desk.  I might climb to his height for the sheer thrill of it but I would rather not have to do so all day long in order to get a paycheck.  Give me my cubicle, any day.

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What a Nightmare

November 5, 2012 at 1:52 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , )

Do you ever have a dream about work?  Waking up to realize you’ve spent your precious hours of freedom unconsciously thinking about your job is a blow to the morale, that’s for sure.  Now what about this – do you ever have dreams about working at a job you haven’t held in years?  Even though I’ve worked in over a dozen places of employment over the past 14 years, I luckily don’t tend to dream about any of them very often.  However, when I do, it’s always about one place and one place only:  Dairy Queen.

Oh god why

I was THE Dairy Queen during my entire high school career and I suppose the reason it makes unwanted appearances in my dreams is because I worked there the longest.  I like to think that over the fact that I worked there during my most formative years because, well, that’s depressing.  Last night, I dreamed that I was back wearing my visor and uniform because, for some reason, they needed me to work for a few hours as they were so short staffed.  My sister was there (she worked with me briefly in real life too) and she needed the back up so I resigned myself to help out for a bit.  At one point, when faced with empty boxes of ice cream cones (because no one ordered enough supplies) and a horribly dirty ice cream counter, I made the comment that the place wouldn’t have been so bad off if I had never left.  Because clearly it’s my life’s goal to stay on as an assistant manager of a locally owned fast food joint.  In the dream, the manager was freaking out because the person coming in to relieve me wasn’t showing up (ironically, the missing worker was the confused accountant we briefly had at my current real job, who didn’t last longer than a month) and they were begging me to stay to close the store.  I asked how much they would pay me and when they said “at least $20 for the whole night” I laughed in their face and walked out the door, meeting my mom in the parking lot so we could go do some shopping.  While walking to our car I found a bag containing $90 cash and realized my decision to quit was a good one, and that was that.

But what does it mean?!  Probably that I’ll make more money doing just about anything (including walking around semi-full parking lots) than I ever would have if I had stayed on at DQ.  Of course, the mystery of why I still dream about that place has not been solved and I don’t know that it ever will be.  I hope that eventually I can get these dreams out of my system but I suppose they’re better than dreaming about wading through dirty underwear in clothing donations at Goodwill or delivering pizzas to a seedy strip club on the south side of Bloomington during college.  Those were the days…not.

As much as I complain about my current job, it’s definitely a step up from the ones I’ve had in the past!  But maybe tonight, just for fun, I can dream about winning the lottery and swimming in a pool full of money with the cast from Magic Mike.  Here’s hoping!

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February 22, 2012 at 12:57 pm (Uncategorized) (, , )

Do you work with any imbeciles at your job?  Say someone who makes you just want to smack your forehead against your desk until either it or your skull cracks?  Perhaps this person drives you insane because they don’t read their emails but nevertheless tries to respond by picking and choosing twoor three of the most unimportant words in the text and then getting everything wrong.


Which would cause you to have to refer them back to the original email or copy and paste the same paragraph numerous times so it can somehow seep its way through their thick skull.  Maybe this person also comes into work late and leaves early each and every day while talking incessantly about their idiotic diet and stinky, sickly child.  Or sits behind closed doors with the shades drawn down in their office every day, making it both uncomfortable and unlikely for them to be interrupted.  While managing a large group of people.

This person probably can’t tell their ass from a hole in the ground and essentially makes any interaction between you two extremely painful and fruitless.  They also likely have no idea of the basic concepts of how their job functions or how the jobs of any of those that they’re managing work, either.  In fact, they might be clueless on the fundamentals of life in general, thus making every thing you try to discuss with them well beyond their grasp of knowledge.  It wouldn’t surprise me if this imbecile obtained their current position via bribery, trickery or plain dumb luck.  And now they spend their (half) days of work walking around like a giant, lopsided dinosaur while flirting pathetically with the receptionist and hoarding Girl Scout cookies.  Do you know anyone like this?

Yeah, me neither.

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Working Girl

April 13, 2010 at 1:19 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , )

It’s official – I’ve been at my current job for a year and a half.  I’ve had many jobs in my lifetime and I figured I should pay some sort of tribute to all of the positions I’ve held.  Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you my work history:

It all began with a little place called Dairy Queen (well, I guess it all began with babysitting, but Dairy Queen was the first job with a W2).  I started working there when I was 14 and was an assistant manager by the time I was 15.  That meant that I was opening the store on weekends, running shifts and making cash deposits all before I could drive.  Yup, I’m that awesome.  I worked at DQ all four years of high school, minus a brief six month period where I waitressed for some family restaurant and then chopped fruits and veggies in the produce department of a grocery store.  I quit the waitressing job after some dude grabbed my ass while I was serving in the bar (I was 16) – I complained to my boss and was told that it was okay, because the guy was a family friend.  That was the day I turned in my two week’s notice.  The produce job was mind numbingly boring and I didn’t make it long before going back to being The Dairy Queen.

That was high school.  College provided ample opportunities for more work, and I’m going to list them here, to the best of my recollection.  I was a Program Specialist for a non-profit, after school organization for at-risk girls for fours years.  Also during that time, I delivered for a pizza place and a sandwich shop.  That provided some interesting experiences, such as walking into a morbidly obese man’s apartment only to find him confined to a chair with dismembered mannequin parts strewn as far as the eye could see.  Yes, that really happened.  I was also offered many shots of booze (some people will do anything to avoid paying a tip) but seeing as how I was driving it was never something I accepted.  I did nude modeling for an art class (once) and realized that it’s insanely difficult to stand still for hours on end.  It was also just a tad embarrassing to walk naked into a classroom where I knew a few of the students (and did not know they would be there).  I got over it rather quick but the pay didn’t make the locked up muscles worth it.  I also spent a summer working at a Goodwill – I loved being able to sift through the records and books that came in before we put them on the floor (this was discouraged but was done anyway).  College was also a time where I coached a volleyball team (we won a tourney the last year I was there!) but I never got paid for that.

The year after college was a busy one, as I was saving up for my move.  I started off working as a bookseller at Borders, which I really liked.  However, their hourly rate was rather laughable and I had to move on.  Next, I was a Member Services Associate for a gym on the college campus.  While doing that, I met a guy who offered me a freelance editing position with his water management firm.  I basically read huge reports and inserted lots of punctuation.  After the gym, I started temping.  I did data entry and then worked for a certified personal accountant during tax season.  During this time, I also began working in the kitchen at a wine bar.  I made all kinds of tapas plates and learned how to properly cook lamb (exciting).  The accounting gig ended and I became the office manager for a food bank.  I was still doing the editing, as well. I also participated in some paid research experiments and at one point I made $50 by watching some porn for a psychology study.  That was pretty awesome.

Eventually, I made enough money to move away.  I spent two months frantically looking for work before doing freelance stuff for a local videographer.  That lasted about 3 months and all I did was scan box after box of pictures into his computer.  Thrilling.  Then I finally found a decent, full-time job, and that’s where I am now.  I currently spend my days handling our schedules, answering phones, ordering supplies and staying on top of general office stuff.  As you probably know, I’m also writing a bit (besides this here blog).  I’ve been a columnist for an entertainment magazine since about August and I recently started submitting things to a different, online magazine.

Best job – Program Specialist at the after school organization for kids.  Loved my work, my coworkers and especially the kids.  I got to drive a short bus full of teens for an entire summer and took them to volunteer at places all over the city.  I also got to teach a sex ed class, which was pretty cool.  That job was the greatest, and I miss it.

Worst job – Waitressing.  I’m sure under different circumstances it would’ve been better, but there were many skeezeballs in that place who had no problem making inappropriate comments and suggestions to a teenage girl.  Gross.

And I guess that sums it up.  I think that’s roughly 16 steady, regularly paying jobs that I’ve had in just over 12 years.  It’s also possible I missed a few in there.  Is 16 a lot?  Normal?  I don’t have anything else to judge this by.  How many jobs have you had over the course of your lifetime?  Inquiring minds want to know!

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