Moped Vs. Limo

July 19, 2012 at 10:33 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , )

No, that’s not some new band name I came up with.  Rather, it’s the two vehicles I saw engaged in a street fight earlier this week as I waited for the train.  That’s not technically accurate either, as it was actually the drivers of said vehicles who were fighting.

Maybe one day they can join forces and create a MoLimo (LimoPed, if you prefer)

It all started as I was standing on the train platform, waiting to go to work.  I began hearing yelling and cussing but couldn’t see what was going on.  Then a guy on a moped and another driving a limo appeared in my line of vision, basically underneath where I was standing.  I should say now that the guy in the limo wasn’t exactly wearing a chauffeur’s outfit and carrying important cargo – I’ve seen this limo in the neighborhood and it’s a poor sight to behold.  As if the driver found it at some junk yard or police auction and decided it would be a sensible, gas-efficient vehicle to get around Chicago.  So Moped was yelling at Limo because apparently Limo had almost run over Moped and Limo didn’t seem to give a rat’s ass.  They both screamed back and forth, cussing and threatening each other like the big men they were, until Limo pulled over in front of a gas station and got out of the…well, limo.  At this point everyone on the platform was watching because 1) there was the possibility that this encounter would later need witnesses and 2) there wasn’t anything else as entertaining to watch at 7:20 in the morning.  So Limo is standing in the street, shaking his fist at Moped (who’s still on the moped but had stopped) and they are both inviting the other to “bring it on”.  Not even Moped’s helmet can muffle his taunts.  Then Limo lunges at Moped, who says something along the lines of “Are you kidding me?” only filled with more expletives, and drives away as fast as his little wheels will take him.  Limo stood in the middle of the street yelling for another moment before getting back in the limo and going on his way, still cursing loudly.

I don’t know who peed in these guys’ Cheerio’s but I’m glad things didn’t actually come to blows.  I haven’t seen too much random violence in my time in Chicago and I really didn’t fancy seeing a fist (or worse, gun) fight on my morning commute.  Thankfully this dominance display was as bad as it got and they both rode off into the sunrise, hopefully feeling as ridiculous as they looked.

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Ode to My Sissy

June 1, 2011 at 12:24 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , )

My little sister turned 26 last weekend and I since I wasn’t around to give her a present, I figured I’d write up a little something here.  And that’s all she’ll be getting for the next decade or so (just kidding, sis!).   Also, I’d like to point out that when I turned 25, she made a big deal of telling me how old that was.  Who’s old now?  Anyway, my sister was the bane of my existence for something like 18 years and we were notorious amongst our friends, family and babysitters for getting in vicious and torturous fights as children.  She broke my arm, I have her a concussion…you know, typical kid stuff.  We outgrew our fighting around the time I went away to college, when we quickly learned that we can actually tolerate each other as long as it’s in small doses.

About as nice as we got - also, hello early 1990s

Over the last ten years or so, we’ve actually grown pretty close (awww).  We’ve visited each other in various cities and can now manage to have a fairly good time without shedding blood.  Well, there was that time she passed out in my dorm room after donating blood, but it’s not quite the same thing.  The point is, my sister somehow grew into someone I actually enjoy hanging out with and while I’m not entirely sure when or how it happened, she’s also my friend.  One of my best friends, in fact.  She’s much smarter than I used to give her credit for and she’s in a profession that I honestly respect and could never, ever do myself.  She impresses me and I’m proud of her.  Which does not mean that we don’t revert back to our 13 and 14-year-old annoying and bitchy selves if we spend any more than about 5 days together, but it does mean we can make it that far without wanting to kill each other and that’s gotta count for something.  Seeing as how I’ve always been a bit of a dork and a bit of a writer, the below poem isn’t the first I’ve written for my sister.  It is, however, the latest (and please excuse the inside jokes):

Sure, we used to drive each other insane

In fact, we quite perfected the art of the fight

So now it’s nice that you’re not such a huge pain

Thankfully we no longer get mad and whisper threats of “Midnight”

Either way, you’re stuck with me until the very end

Remember – you can’t see where you’re going, you can only see where you’ve been.

So to my one and only sissy – I hope your 26th year on this planet was as good as mine was.  Also, while it’s true I’ll always be older, I still look way younger than you.

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