My Impression of Homer Simpson….

July 14, 2011 at 10:08 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , )

….is getting quite good.

Mmm donuts

Since this whole diet thing is still taking over our office, a fellow cubical dweller and I have become human garbage disposals for everyone participating.  Yesterday I was given blueberries, toast and fried veggies for breakfast and then a huge piece of chocolate cake in the afternoon (granted, that was for someone’s birthday).  Today some banana bread, a few donuts, a bagel and yet more chocolate cake has been pawned off on me and it’s not even noon.

I suppose I could simply pass on these free goods but who are we kidding.  I’m a lover of free and a lover of food and when you combine the two I turn into a drooling blob that can only get out of my chair because of a promise of frosting and sprinkles.  In fact, I’m getting distracted while typing this because I’m thinking of more donuts right now.  This whole diet is turning dangerous for me since so much of this stuff just sits around and the hippie in me hates to see good food go bad.  At least, that’s how I rationalize my snack-fests…that and by telling myself I’m doing a service to all those dieters out there by keeping this food out of their grasp.  I’m a regular sweetheart like that and I don’t mind taking one for the team.

In fact, I should probably check on those donuts in the break room and see if there are any more that need liberated from their box…

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Diet Schmiet

June 29, 2011 at 11:01 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , )

So I work in a cubicle, surrounded by other cubicles.  This isn’t actually so bad as the three girls and guy who sit around me are all relatively cool people and we get along really well.  Spending so much time so close to one another allows us to know all sorts of details of each others’ lives, which is great for the sake of friendship and making the day go by but not so great when I have to hear about the bowel movements of someone’s new puppy.

Not recommended by this girl.

Anyway, since we spend so much time chatting it didn’t take long for me to realize that most of the women sitting around me (including the 4 HR ladies in the office next door) have started a diet.  The South Beach diet, to be exact.  Apparently this is some hellish way to lose weight by eliminating carbs from your food intake.

Screw.  That.

The thing is, none of these women are really heavy.  In fact, I think most of them look pretty great but they’re still hellbent on shedding some pounds through deprivation and torture.  At least, that’s what it sounds like to me.  I completely advocate people eating healthy and maintaining an active lifestyle but I generally think “diets” are a bad idea.  Why not just eat well and move around a little bit more?

Perhaps my lack of understanding in this area is yet another reason I’m a “bad” woman.  The fact that I couldn’t even find one single tampon in my apartment last night as I ran around in a frenzy doesn’t help my case either, but I digress.  Fact is, I’ve never really tried a diet and have no real desire to do so.  Actually, I ate leftover potatoes and toast from one of the girls just this morning because it’s forbidden to her right now.  And it was delicious.

So no, I won’t be participating in their little diet-off.  I will, however, encourage them to bring me all of the breads, pastries and cookies they have since they can no longer eat them.  Taking one for the team isn’t always easy but somebody’s gotta do it.

**UPDATE** – so far today, I’ve received potatoes; toast; a salad with cucumber, tomato and egg; crackers; string cheese; a tangerine and four rather large bananas.  All from these women who are dieting.  Pretty great considering today was a rare day that I didn’t bring anything from home to munch on.  So far I’m loving this diet!

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