Klumsy Car

March 24, 2015 at 8:06 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , )

Guys. I found my new car and I’m basing my decision solely on this vanity license plate.

I'm so uncoordinated I can't even take a straight photo.

I’m so uncoordinated I can’t even take a straight photo.

Remember all of my hilariously true stories about how clumsy and lacking in grace I am? Well, apparently I’m not alone. I walked by this car in the parking lot of my gym this weekend and it literally stopped me in my tracks because this license plate seemed to call my name. At least, it called the name I’ve been called numerous times in the past. To be honest, I’m lucky I didn’t trip over my own two feet in my excited state. I almost tried to get into the car but then I realized I haven’t owned a vehicle in roughly 7 years so it couldn’t possibly belong to me, even though it seemed completely and personally customized. Instead, I took a photo so I can remember what type of plate to request the next time I do purchase a car and I nearly dropped my cell phone in the process. Clumsiness scores again.

Maybe I should’ve tried harder to get in the car because maybe it would have taken me to some parallel universe where I’m actually not clumsy at all. Perhaps in this alternate reality I’m the epitome of grace and lead workshops and seminars on how to walk like a lady and never fall out of a pair of high heel shoes. My ankles and legs would be insured for millions because there would be no chance of my twisting an ankle while crossing the street. In fact, I’d be a world-famous ballerina – take that, Mom! This universe would also contain all of the dishes I’ve dropped and broken, along with my cell phones that have been submerged in water. I wouldn’t have random, unidentifiable bruises all over my body because I wouldn’t constantly walk into door frames nor would I have a habit of slipping and falling on the ground. My clothing wouldn’t have stains and the bottoms of my shoes would be miraculously free of dog excrement. I would still have my old living room curtains because I never would have spilled hot candle wax all over them and I wouldn’t have residual cornea damage from walking into a pine tree in college. In short, I’d be in a Paige-proof universe. And what would I call it?

Complete and utter fantasy.

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The Professionals

May 2, 2011 at 12:02 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The move has come and gone and I’m still around to blog about it.  And let me just say – never again will I move my own stuff.  Not when there are companies like The Professionals to do all of the work for me!

Three dudes named Carlos (yes, that was really their names…I asked) showed up Friday night, on time and ready to go.  These guys became my best friends over the next few hours and ended up completely blowing my mind.  I just stood to the side and tried to stay out of their way as they loaded up box after box, tied them together and threw them on their backs.  They made it look so easy but I know how heavy that stuff was and while all I wanted to do was apologize, they just rolled with it and loaded everything up.  The entire move took 3 hours, from the time they showed up to the time their big truck pulled off into the horizon.  3 hours.  It would’ve taken me 3 days to do myself.

They ended up coming in almost $50 lower than the absolute lowest quote they gave me, so that was pretty awesome. They also left me with some new mugs featuring their logo and the promise that they were going out to take some shots of tequila for me.   Other than Catsby freaking out and shredding one of my very favorite, oldest T-shirts (leaving me flashing a bit of skin for the entire move, as all of my clothing was boxed up) everything went way better than expected.  By 2am Saturday morning I had managed to unpack quite a bit of the overall haul –  I was like a machine and had to force myself to stop before I unpacked the entire night through.  It’s just so exciting!  The rest of the weekend was spent making large runs to Trader Joe’s and Target (where I had an unfortunate incident involving my clumsiness deactivating an escalator…luckily I hid quick enough so no one could pin it on me) and finishing up the unpacking.  I managed to put together a new shelf all by myself, so I’m fairly proud of that.  I also cleaned up and said goodbye to my old place, and even met the new girl moving in on my way out.  And because I’m a sucker, I actually also carried up a few of her boxes.  Anyway, if all goes according to plan I should be completely finished with unpacking everything at the new pad later tonight!

Ahh scary

So, because you know how I love my lists, here’s a few things that make my new place superior to my last:

  • A DISHWASHER
  • Nicer neighborhood, with one of the biggest and most scenic parks in the city right down the street
  • Central AC and an actual thermostat
  • Back porch
  • Tons of counter/cabinet space
  • More space in every room
  • Closer walk to the train
  • Better location
  • Convenient spot for Catsby’s litter box, no longer in my bedroom (yes!)
  • A DISHWASHER
  • Better water pressure
  • Great natural light (though not so great I can get dressed sans artificial light.  Example: I could’ve sworn I put on brown pants this morning.  Imagine my surprise when I got on the elevator and realized they were, in fact, quite black)
  • Walking distance to some of my all-time favorite people
  • I now get to sleep in roughly 20 minutes later (theoretically – my dad actually called me this morning at my old wake up time, so the extra sleep will hopefully begin tomorrow)
  • Did I mention I now have a dishwasher?  I was doing dishes this weekend and I wasn’t even home

Even Carlos #2 told me it was a nicer place, so that’s something.

I would also like to take a brief moment and give a shout out to all of my wonderful friends who lent the use of their vehicles and muscles this weekend.  They transported plants, Catsby, groceries, the most expensive cumulative purchase I’ve ever made at Target and myself and for that I could not be more grateful.  I’m lucky enough to have some fantastic people in my life and if you’re one of them and reading this (you know who you are) THANK YOU once again for being so freakin’ awesome.  I owe you a dinner in my sweet new pad.  And I’ll gladly dish wash your dishes!

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