Pop a Cap in My Tooth

March 17, 2016 at 2:41 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , )

I hate the dentist. I’m pretty sure I’ve announced that here before but I really hate the dentist. Actually I don’t mind my dentist so much as my dental hygienist, who I’m fairly certain is a sadist with a penchant for torture. I had a routine cleaning this week and the entire time (read: one hour) I was in a chair getting my teeth cleaned and abused, all I could think about was how much I hate that entire process. And I don’t even have bad teeth! I brush and floss regularly and haven’t had a cavity in years. The only way I was able to console myself during that entire miserable time spent in a chair was by reciting a mantra that it would be another six months before I had to go back. Six more months, six more months…I also thought of the horrors other people have had to live through and called myself a baby for not being able to handle two hours of pain once a year. I almost got to the point of biting off the hygienist’s fingers when it was finally over and I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing it would be quite a while before I went back.


Oh my god why did I google this?!

Until the dentist came in. She’s on my shit list now too. I had complained of some mild sensitivity in one spot and it’s been bothering me for about a month now. I figured it had been so long since I had a cavity that I was about due for another but no. When my dentist came by and inspected me, she discovered one of my freaking molars has a huge crack in it. She verified it by poking and prodding and blowing cold air into it and that was just fantastic. She even took a picture and uploaded it to her computer while I watched – yeah, it was pretty obvious and I guess I can’t be too mad at her since it’s not like she made it up. I’m not exactly sure how it happened (at least, that’s what I told her…I think I may have done this by opening a bottle with my mouth a while ago. Oops. Won’t be doing that again) and now I get to go back and sit in that loathsome chair and have a crown put on. I am not thrilled. They’re going to shave down the tooth in question and make a mold for the crown, then give me a fake one until the real one comes in (requiring me to go back yet again for another torturous process). This all sounds horribly awful, if you ask me, but apparently it’s necessary. Either that or get my tooth removed and don’t think I didn’t consider that. And guess what else – crowns aren’t cheap! I’m going for the basic one too, not the fancy gold one that I was offered in semi-jest (though I wonder what her reaction would have been if I had gotten really excited about that). Even the standard one is going to cost me nearly twice what my wedding dress did! I mean, I got that on clearance but still. I’d rather buy a dress than a crown for my tooth. Or any other article of clothing. Or just about anything other than a crown, like a suitcase full of spiders.

Have I mentioned that I hate the dentist?

But I’m going to suck it up and tough it out and bitch and complain the whole time. And never open a bottle with my teeth again. However, I can’t make any promises about biting the fingers that will soon invade my mouth to shave off my damn tooth.


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