Things I Don’t Understand

March 13, 2013 at 12:35 pm (Uncategorized) ()


Just some of the many things:

My own gender:

  • Girls who wear their long hair down at the gym.  Tons of make-up is one thing, because maybe you came from your day job as a stripper or perhaps you like the feeling of foundation running down your face as you sweat.  But having hair down your shoulders swing around while you use weight machines or jog on the treadmill just looks uncomfortable and sometimes, just plain dangerous.  It makes my neck itch in sympathy with how yours must feel, but who knows – perhaps it’s motivation to hurry up and finish your work out?
  • Girls who wear ballet shoes without socks when it’s the dead of winter.  Aren’t you cold?  You sure look cold as you miserably run down the sidewalk and rub your palms over the tops of your feet at the bus stop.  You do know you’re in Chicago, right?  Perhaps it’s time to invest in a pair of boots.
  • Also, I heard two girls in the bathroom today talking about a friend of theirs who uses Saran Wrap in lieu of a corset or Spanx.  SARAN  WRAP.  I don’t even know what to say about that.

Speaking of – the weather:

  • Seriously, WTF.  The few days we had in the upper 40’s sure were nice but I just don’t understand why the wind chill was 11 degrees this morning when I got out of bed.  WHY?  Can’t winter be over yet?  Haven’t we paid our dues?  This time last year temperatures were in the 80’s…not saying I’m demanding that again but something above freezing sure would be nice.
For reals.

Because it’s a crappy photo: Spring is in the air!  Right?  Please!  Almost!!

My boss:

  • Asking that I contact a client so they can send you a printable document is one thing, if the document you need to print is actually unprintable.  When it’s instead just formatted to fit legal sized paper and a simple few clicks of the mouse will magically transport it to letter sized paper, I think you’re kind of silly but go ahead and change it myself.  When you ask me to print a document and bring it to you even though you have a fully functional printer within reach of your desk chair, I don’t understand why you can’t do it yourself and think you’re kind of a jackass.
  • Similarly, cc’ing me on an email when you ask someone else to draft you an email that I already drafted and sent to you last month makes me think you just can’t be bothered to read emails.  Especially when you go with the one I previously wrote.  I wonder if I could sometimes get away with that.

My cat:

  • You have food, water and a clean litterbox.  So I don’t understand why you’re crying outside the bedroom door at 5am.  Do you think you’re being cute and acting as a preemptive alarm clock?  I’ll show you cute when I throw you in the running shower tomorrow morning.

Of course there are many other things that I don’t understand and will probably never understand, but I suppose I will just have to accept them all.  However, if someone could explain the ballet shoes thing, I’d feel a little less out of the fashion loop.

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