Turn Your Head and Cough

June 3, 2010 at 1:21 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , )


Apologies all around for the lack of a post yesterday.  I was not around my office or even a computer, as I took the day off to have a couple of medical check ups (everything’s fine, no worries there).  Lots of waiting, filling out forms and the usual thrilling activities that go along with a trip to the doctor ensued.  This included wearing the fashionable paper robe, which I really wish I could’ve taken home with me.  I never knew such comfort existed until I donned myself in a cheaply made, synthetic paper material that barely covered my own ass.

I had to have some blood drawn, which always freaks me out a little and makes me wish for my mommy.  I was proud of myself for actually being able to take a peek at my arm while the needle was inserted without crying or passing out, so I feel like I’m making gains.  Looking at the vials of blood after it was removed from my body made me a bit nauseous but I was able to feign being a grown up and I did not lose my lunch.  I was actually feeling pretty good about my whole doctor experience until the very end – when they asked me to pee in a cup.

Anxiety set in.  I had been fighting the urge to urinate all through my examination and the minute someone told me I had to, it went away.  Awesome.  I took the little cup and locked myself in the bathroom, where we had a staring contest.  I eventually won and we got down to business.  Unfortunately, I have yet to figure out a way to pee in a cup without also peeing all over my hand, so yeah, that happened.  If any female out there has a pro tip they would like to share, I am all ears.  I’m not sure if it’s my lack of dexterity, general clumsiness or the wrath of the urination gods, but I’ve never gracefully completed that part of a visit to the doctor.  However, since I’m pretty sure the only other way to obtain a pee sample is to be hooked up to a catheter, I am 100% totally fine with a little splash on my phalanges.

Also, I’m very thankful I have health insurance.  I saw what some of the tests would cost sans insurance benefits, and wow is that a lot.  I hope to one day live in a place that doesn’t bankrupt its citizens for medical bills, but since that’s not happening right now I’ll just be glad for what I’ve got.

Pee soaked hand and all.

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