Free Food in the Hallway

May 20, 2010 at 2:35 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , )


Since I moved into my apartment building last year, I’ve noticed that someone who shares my entrance is a messy eater.  My building isn’t super small but the way it’s set up sort of makes it seem that way.  There are three separate entrances and the only door we tenants have access to is the one that leads to our own respective apartment.  This means that while there are probably 20 or so units in the whole building, I only share my entrance with two others.  The woman below me is an older lady who lives with her twenty something son and then there’s the guy above me (so I guess technically I share with three other people).  Anyway, one of those three is sloppy as hell and I’m betting it’s not the sweet old lady.

Whoever this mystery food dropper is, I don’t think they follow the five second rule.

The first time I noticed food in the hallway, it was in the form of a half-eaten candy bar.  It sat in its wrapper on the post to the handrail leading upstairs, and it sat there for days.  Who doesn’t finish a perfectly good candy bar?  I thought about taking it for myself but yeah, that’s kind of gross.  We have someone who comes to clean the interior of the building once every couple of weeks, so they must’ve found it and either eaten it or thrown it out.

The next time, it was part of a taco.  The lettuce and sauce blob was on the stairs in between the first and second floor, so my powerful deductive skills tell me that the offender is the guy above me.  As a slight neat freak, the blob bothered me but my hereditary stubbornness prevented me from cleaning it up myself.  I waited for the cleaning person to take care of it but that actually never happened and so I’ve watched with interest as this tiny bit of food has molded itself into the floor board.  If you look closely, you can still see lettuce.

This mysterious food perp has also left entire boxes of leftovers in the mail bin below our boxes.  I’m sure our mail person didn’t appreciate it.  Seriously, who does something like that?

I’ll tell you who.  The same person who left a giant pile of Chinese food on the sidewalk outside our front door sometime  in the middle of last night.

I walked out the door this morning, head held high and enjoying a bit of sunshine and fresh air, and promptly stepped in some sort of noodle concoction.  I mildly freaked out, as I was wearing sandals like the guy in this picture and for some reason I have a fear of stepping on dead animals, so that’s immediately where my mind went.  Upon seeing it was Chinese food, I was first relieved and then grossed out (but not as grossed out as I would’ve been if I had stepped on a deceased pigeon).  To be fair, the mess didn’t necessarily have to come from someone who lives in my building – it could’ve been any slob walking by our front door.  However, given the food I’ve already found lying around, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to assume it was the guy above me.  This also leads me to an interesting notion, because he is a rather hefty guy and I had always assumed that larger people were more careful about ensuring their food goes into their stomach and not onto the ground (I’m not trying to be shitty, just factual).  So – could it be him?  As I said, the only other possibilities include the little old lady (and I like to think that a Mom wouldn’t be so messy and wasteful) or her son, whom I rarely even see.  I really do think the big guy upstairs is to blame.

Or perhaps it’s me?  Maybe I sleepwalk to late night dining establishments all over town, only to bring the food home and trail it around my building.  I mean, I can’t prove I don’t.  However, the Chinese stuff this morning clearly had chicken in it so if it’s me, I must be carnivorous in my sleep.  Hmm.

Regardless of who’s doing it, I hope the noodles and fortune cookies are gone when I get home.  And the next time some food is left around my building, I hope it’s a bunch of freshly made cookies, wrapped up neatly and sitting in a box outside my door.

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