My Mom Kicked Cancer’s Ass!

March 23, 2010 at 2:48 pm (Uncategorized) (, , )


Yesterday I had another chiropractic experience but you’ll have to wait til tomorrow to read all about it.  Today’s post is dedicated to the wonderful woman who gave me life – my Mom – and one of her truly amazing accomplishments!

I wonder what she would say if I told her I had this tattoo done in honor of her achievement…

Anyway, today, March 23, 2010, marks the 20th Anniversary of my mom being breast cancer free!  She was diagnosed when I was but a wee gal and underwent chemotherapy treatments to get rid of her cancer.  And get rid of it she did!  My mom is my hero.

I don’t remember much about the time she was fighting the big C.  I do remember my dad letting my little sister and I stay up late, sleep on the living room pull out couch and eat pizza for dinner.  I don’t think anyone ever explicitly told us that she was sick or in the hospital (I can’t imagine that kind of thing is easy to explain to a five and six-year-old) but I do remember making one trip there to visit her.  I made her follow me up and down the hallways so we could look out the windows (sorry if that wore you out, Mom).  I was a bit older when I realized what all of it meant, and since then I’ve been thankful every day that things turned out as well as they did.

My mom had a mastectomy and has worn a prosthesis in her bra ever since.  The prosthesis has provided a few comedic instances, which of course I’m going to recount here.  Take no offense, Mommy Dearest – this is what happens when you have a writer for a child and/or when you read her blog!

My earliest recollection of the hilarity my mom’s prosthesis occasionally provided came from a camping trip while I was in junior high.  I remember hanging out with a friend of mine while our parents sat around the campfire, drinking and telling stories.  After a while, we realized that there were more hoots and hollering going on than typical, so we stuck our heads out to see what was going on.  That was when I witnessed my mom and her friends playing a grown up version of hot potato with her fake boob.  Oh man, was I embarrassed.  Looking back though, I can see the humor in it and would like to think I would pull the same stunt if I had my own prosthesis to work with.

Around the same time (those junior high years were ripe with potential embarrassment for yours truly), our entire family took a trip to King’s Island.  When I say entire family, I mean aunts, uncles, cousins and everyone else that doesn’t fit into those neat little categories.  We all sat down and buckled into the Racer roller coaster and off we went.  That’s when, from a few rows behind me, I her my mom shouting that she’s going to lose her boob.  I wasn’t actually that embarrassed since it was so damn funny, and also because it elicited some startled looks from the other passengers on the ride.

One more story, because this one involves my sister as well.  Two summers ago, my mom, sister and I took a vacation to Puerto Vallerta, Mexico.  We had one of those all-inclusive deals that included hotel stays, food and drinks.  Lots and lots of drinks.  However, since the hotel knew the drinks were free they had no problem watering down the beverages until there was barely a trace of liquor to them.  This was made up for by the fact that our hotel room had a bar set up, complete with full bottles of vodka, whisky, rum and tequila, which would be replaced for free when empty.  My sister and I had the great idea of filling a bottle with vodka and spiking the drinks we got at the pool-side bar.  I should clarify – this was a great idea in theory.  In reality, it caused my sister to get falling-down drunk in the middle of the afternoon (I knew she was drunk when she began repeating herself and telling everyone she would move to Canada if McCain won the election.  I heard this perhaps 15 times in a half hour).  Anyway, Mom and I helped my sister back to the room, where she promptly passed out.  Of course, that caused me to take the extra prosthesis Mom had sitting around and place it gently on my sisters cheek while she slept.  Then I took pictures.  I thought it was just about the funniest thing I’d ever seen but after she woke up (grouchy and hung over), my sister failed to see the humor.  She even deleted the pictures when I wasn’t looking.  Too bad I have this forum on which to retell that awesome story.

Sorry, sis.

As you can see, my mom has kept a great sense of humor about the whole breast cancer thing.  I really do think she’s amazing.  She is the best mom anyone could ever ask for, in my humble opinion.  Growing up, she had no problem making sure my sister and I got to our various sporting practices and games and she always found time to make a great dinner too.  I’ve entertained theories that she had a twin captive in the basement, only to be released when she need superpower help, but now I actually think she did all of that on her own.  Consider my mind blown.

My sister and I sent flowers to her office today, which is the absolute least we could do.  It occurred to me late last night that I could earn my daughter of the year award if I were to show up in Louisville to personally hand deliver said flowers, but sadly I had that thought much too late to actually carry it out.  Maybe for her 25th Anniversary.

I absolutely cannot imagine the last 20 years of my life without my Mom.  I know that there are millions of people out there who did not have the luck that she did and my heart goes out to their friends and families.  My Mom has influenced so many aspects of my personality it would be impossible to count, and I only hope she continues that influence for years to come.  Congratulations, Mom, you did it!

And if this post doesn’t make me your favorite daughter for at least the next few days, I don’t know what will.

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