Catsby
My birthday weekend was a fun-filled, most eventful one and I’ll have updates on the dinner and burlesque show probably later this week. First, though, I want to share some big news. I did something on my birthday that I didn’t think I was going to do for a very long time…
I got a new cat.
Rather, I should say Scott and I got a cat as both of our names are on his adoption forms. I really did just go to PAWS (Chicago’s no-kill animal shelter) to look at the animals and perhaps let myself become more comfortable with the idea of bringing one home. However, we walked in and met a little guy who worked his way into our hearts before we even knew what was happening. I’ll be introducing him to the blog later as well but before I do any of that, I want to properly say goodbye to Catsby, the absolute best pet I’ve ever had in my life. Be warned: this post is long and emotional. It was also something I had to write.
I rescued Catsby in May of 2005 when she was a kitten from an animal shelter in my old college town. I went with my old roommate and we were just going to get one cat but we each fell in love and left with two. Catsby won me over immediately with her beautiful coat and adorable nature and we quickly became best buddies. She was the one who instigated her fetch-playing, by bringing one of my hair bands into me while I was sitting on the toilet one day (hey, not all stories have glamorous roots). She became quite good at fetch and my attempts to confuse or fool her pretty much never worked. I still find hair bands in random places and I know my mom once found one from the top of a ceiling fan in our living room – I bet that one drove Catsby crazy.
I think Catsby had some confusion as to what type of animal she was, as she had many dog-like qualities besides the fetch-playing. This could be because I originally wanted a dog but decided at the last minute that I’d want my dog to have a yard and as a college kid, a cat was an easier, less responsible decision. I think I projected my dog-wanting onto her because she would also meet me at the door every day when I got home with my slippers in her mouth (okay not really but she did once bring me a plastic fork to play fetch with). She also brought me cat treats while I slept and left them on my bed or in my shoe in the middle of the night. She slept at my feet.
Catsby moved into six different apartments with me in two separate states. She almost gave me a heart attack when I thought she escaped as I was moving to Illinois but then surprised me with her cleverness when I discovered her hiding under my refrigerator in a spot I didn’t even know existed. She narrowly avoided being eaten when we were stuck in a blizzard for 8 hours on the highway and she managed to keep another one of her nine lives after I caught her spilling water on my brand new Macbook. As mad as she occasionally made me though (like the time I found out she was inviting squirrels into the kitchen while I was away at work), I never lost sight of how much I loved her. When I was going through the divorce of my parents, the transition from college student to working life, and the biggest breakup I’d ever experienced, she was always there for me. She lasted through more boyfriends, girlfriends and friends in general than any other pet I had. We literally watched each other grow up.
Catsby in our first Chicago apartment
I treated Catsby for diabetes for about a year before she passed away. Those of you that have been reading this blog a while know how difficult that often was. She wasn’t a typical diabetic cat and the vet never could tell me why she developed it, as she had none of the usual characteristics. I spent lots of time, energy, worry and cash trying to keep her diabetes regulated and I’d be lying if I said it was easy. I scheduled my social life around giving her two insulin shots a day but I absolutely did not mind, so long as it meant that my furry feline friend was happy and healthy. I did my very, very best but in the end that wasn’t enough.
Having Catsby put down while I was out of the country is one of the most difficult experiences I’ve ever had to go through. Before I go on, I’d like to say that the kindness of certain men and women during this period will never be forgotten. This obviously includes my friends, family, and boyfriend but also the complete strangers who showed compassion and understanding without really even knowing what was going on. As I made my way back solo from Guatemala in October, I was keenly aware that my cat might not make it until I got home. I thought I was racing the clock to return to help her when in reality she had to be put down the night before and no one had been able to reach me yet. So I didn’t find out until my plane landed in Houston and I called my Scott for an update. When he told me what happened I became a bit of a visible wreck and the guy next to me (who knew I had a sick family member I was trying to get home to…because hey, that’s what she was) figured out what happened. He and numerous others offered to help me off the plane and get me a ride to wherever I needed to go. When I explained that I had a connecting flight to make in under 45 minutes and I had yet to get through customs, a very nice pilot (this was Delta) escorted me through security and customs and led me right to my next gate. At this point I didn’t really care if I made the flight or not but he got me there with a few minutes to spare. The woman I was seated next to looked like a seasoned grandmother and didn’t really speak English but the moment I sat down and she saw me, she hugged me, kissed my forehead and said not to cry (this was something I really needed). The flight attendants served me the beer and whiskey shot I ordered and then didn’t charge me (this was something else I really needed). The kindness of these strangers stuck out in my head and helped me to remember that one can really make an impact on another, even if the time they share is anonymous and fleeting.
I miss Catsby every single day and my world isn’t the same without her. Perhaps it’s because hers is the first loss of a soul that I was personally close to – a soul that I interacted with each day – that has caused this to be so hard, or maybe it’s just because she was such a beloved pet. I’ve lost both human and animal loved ones in my life but it’s never been like this. She was the only family I ever had in Chicago and it still hurts. I have had numerous dreams about her (including the one I had foretelling her death and one where I had her cloned and her clone didn’t have diabetes…sometimes my head is a scary place) and in my dreams it’s comforting to know that she’s around, even though I always have the sense that she’s not supposed to be. I don’t know how else to say I miss her and to be completely honest I’m not dry-eyed as I type this. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop missing her and I don’t really want to because she was an awesome companion. You don’t forget something like that.
However, Catsby is not coming back and I won’t have the relationship I had with her with another animal. Now as I’ve learned, that doesn’t mean that I can’t have a different type of relationship with another animal who needs a human friend. Which is the mentality that brought me to the idea of another adoption, and to the newest addition to the family. It’s been a bittersweet experience and while I still feel somewhat guilty for bringing another cat into our home, so far I’m glad I did. Because after all, it really is amazing how the actions of one can have an impact on another.
